First things first; if you don’t know who we are you may want to start with the first ‘online bog’ post, as Xaffodd insists that it is always best to start at the start. Although I beg to differ, as the end is sometimes more preferable!
Zaffodd and I while learning (but not really learning anything!) about your society* recently chanced across this curious thing you humans call r/wallstreetbets. And no sooner had we begun to opinionate in this nook within your Internet thingy truth broadcast system; we found ourselves banned, excluded, cancelled, othered, made persona-non-grata, or rather alienus-non-grata!
Our crime? Well to opinionate like everyone else from what we could tell. The charge hefted upon us unceremoniously by the ‘Moderator’ (not unlike other unsavoury ‘Moderators’) was because we were trying to ‘shill’ smelly excrement. I paraphrase at the end there but hopefully you know what of your human biological matter I am referring to!
Anyway, in our society ‘shill’ means something similar to your word ‘pickle’. So, I would like to make it clear and unambiguous across your Internet thingy that Zaffodd and I were not looking to pickle anything or anyone, including ourselves. Not even a gherkin. Zip. Nada. With the exception of maybe our Growler who now seasonal festivities have come to a close (for Xaffodd and I at least!) has outstayed its welcome thanks to an excess of biological matter accumulating in our ship.
Xaffodd tells me that ‘shill’ may also mean;
- One who poses as a satisfied customer or an enthusiastic gambler to dupe bystanders into participating in a swindle.
- A person paid to endorse a product favourably, while pretending to be impartial.
- An accomplice at a confidence trick during an auction or gambling game.
No, no, no. Xaffodd and I are none of those, however given our learnings of r/wallstreetbets we could probably point a proboscis or appendage at some likely suspects. We also find it ironic, I think is your word, that a ‘Moderator’ for a place that effectively provides a forum glamourising ‘gambling’ with company stock options, debt and ‘loss porn’ has the credulity to call Zaffodd and I ‘shills’. Our doings have certainly to our knowledge never led to any human, animal or vegetable using a SleezePod™ or equivalent process, and we wonder if the same can be said for others? [Serious thing.]
However humans, ahem, HOWEVER HUMANS, we give notice that these antics will soon come to an end once our plan has come to fruition. Once we have collected approximately $18,446,744,073,709,552,000 dollerz (-> $$$ <-) you will all find yourselves in a cashless society. Not the cashless society you may expect, but one quite literally without money, as Zaffodd and I will have it all. You will have to bet with salt like the old Roman legionnaires, and then you will be really truly salty. Muahahahahahahahahahhaha as some of you humans with cats on your laps might say!
r/wallstreetbets is now in my bad books, book 13!
* Zaffodd insisted I included primitive there by the way. I refused! Please feel free to add them to your bad books, as mentioned he is in mine, book 9!
